This blog post is for anyone who has been asked to perform a wedding ceremony for your friends or family. For couples considering using a friend or family member to perform their wedding ceremony, click here.
First, congratulations, your friends/family believe in you and your ability to perform on the biggest day of their life. No pressure, but truly it all falls on you, my friend. Here are some notes to take into consideration:
· If you don’t feel comfortable speaking in front of people, or writing an incredible ceremony script, you may not be the best choice. You need to feel completely confident that you can do this, otherwise save them and their wedding as early as possible.
· My biggest point to you is that IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Let me repeat this: IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. It is their day, and you are an important part, but the ceremony should speak to them, of them, about them. Of course, you can mention your relation to the couple and even include funny stories about how they met, their engagement, or other bits of their lives you have witnessed, but the focus should always be on them. You shine by making them look amazing!
· It’s great to be funny, but NEVER at their expense. Don’t tell embarrassing stories or mention exes, save that for the toasts, where it is appropriate. It is a sensitive day for all brides, don’t make them cry (in a bad way, but heartwarming and romantic tears mean you are doing it right).
· Do your research. There are ceremonies online that you can refer to for format, but do not use a canned, one size fits all ceremony. They asked you to do this because you are important in their lives. Tell their story, how they met, got engaged, and ended up standing here today. I like to make my ceremonies light, fun, and romantic. You can use the online ones to give you an idea where to start, you can even use AI to fine tune the ceremony, but don’t have AI write the ceremony or it will sound like a robot wrote it (I sometimes use AI to put in what I have written to make it slightly better, but not to write the ceremony).
· Talk with them. Ask them what they are looking for. What level, if any, of religion in the ceremony? I always use a scale of 0 – 10, 0 no religion at all, 10 as much as I can get in there. This is a critical point!
· Do they want to exchange personal vows? Do they want the vows you do to be traditional or modern? Do they have any requests such as sand ceremonies or readings.
· Ask them what they are going to wear. If they are formal, you should be in suit/tie or formal dress. If it is a casual wedding, you should still look sharp and well put together. There will be many photos with you in them.
· Listen to them tell you their story. Use words that they use in your ceremony. Focus on the things that are important to them. If they tell you they love music and met at a concert, it’s great to put in some appropriate song lyrics if their first date was at a Prince concert (dearly beloved, we are gathered today…). Learn their hobbies. Use the terms that apply and do research where necessary.
· Do not even think about doing this off the top of your head, without any planning, or you will ruin their wedding. Unless you are a highly trained actor, don’t try to memorize it. Don’t use a phone, although an iPad is fine. If you print it out, put it on a clipboard or in a binder.
· Share the ceremony with them. Write it all out and let them make changes or edits as necessary. Even if they make major changes, it is their day. Accept it, then stick to the script.
· If you make a mistake, roll with it. But get the names right, always. If you skip a paragraph, just keep going or double back if it is crucial.
They selected you for this for a reason. The spotlight is on you. It’s up to you to make their wedding ceremony an incredible experience. Take it seriously, as they will always remember this day. Make sure that they remember it for the right reasons, otherwise they will talk about the day you ruined their wedding for the rest of your lives.
Peace & Love!
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