This blog post is for couples considering using a friend or family member to perform their wedding ceremony. If you have been asked to perform the ceremony, click here.
First, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! If you are reading this, you would like to have a friend or family member perform your ceremony. It sounds simple, but this path does come with some challenges.
Speaking in public is one of the most feared things many humans can face. It is one thing to be an outgoing, fun person. It is another thing to stand in front of your guests and speak on what is one of the most important days of your life. When selecting the person to do so, you have to ask a couple of questions, as this will set the tone for your entire wedding:
· Is this person up to it? They not only need public speaking skills, they need to write a ceremony that is romantic and fun. It’s not a skillset that many people possess in a high-pressure situation.
· Can they project their voice so everyone can hear, or are they comfortable with a microphone? A sense of timing is everything when performing a ceremony.
· Are they reliable? Nerves can be a huge issue, and sometimes a shot or two may help, but several shots may not… If they decide at the last minute that they just can’t do it, do you have a backup plan?
· Where are they going to get the ceremony script? Write it, or use something generic from the internet? One of the reasons to use someone close to you is that they know you and your story, or they need to find out. Your ceremony should be fun, heartwarming, and meaningful, your story told by someone you love.
Some of the issues that I have witnessed:
· The officiant speaks so quietly that your guests can’t hear a word.
· The ceremony is very short, although you wanted it simple, this is not what anyone wants in the end (I have seen 30 seconds…).
· The officiant is nervous, so they have a couple of drinks; this doesn’t go well.
· The officiant makes the ceremony all about them. This is a common mistake.
· The couple are in tux and gown, the officiant is in shorts and t-shirt. Or vice versa. These are your wedding photos for the rest of your life…
· I have heard an officiant yell “You are ruining my ceremony” to his brother, the groom, when they pointed out that he had missed a huge chunk.
You should think long and hard before making this decision. It is a popular option, and your dad (or sister, best friend, etc) is an amazing person, but it does not mean that they are able to perform under the spotlight in front of their family and friends, and you only get one shot at it. It’s your day, do everything you can to make it memorable for everyone, as you will remember this day forever.
Peace & Love!
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